Category: Uncategorized


​overview: I’m 47 and became disabled a few years ago from arthritis in the lower back, that has restricted what I can do, and caused me to leave a job I loved.

I’m married to an Airforce vet, who was mp, and is the father of our children.

Our children are my step-children whom I’ve helped raise for 20 years.

Son 23, type 1 diabetic, struggles with temper

Daughter 21, married, struggles with ptsd and anxiety problems 

Our home, standard single family home with a small galley kitchen that clutter up fast. Our children reside in our home rent & utility free.

The rest of the post was originally written in a diary app offline. I’m leaving mistakes as is to minimize data usage since I only have 500 mb of data.

Even as I share this I will own that I made mistakes in the mornings altercations . 

—————————————————————-

Today I had to call the cops.


The day started with walking into a Kitchen full of dirty dishes every where From the cooking our grown daughter had done the day before • To be able to use the stove and Counter So that I could fix food and coffee for myself and my husband who has work (or should that be had) I had to clear the sink, counter, and stove of their mess, I also had to clear my husbands spot at the table of baby stuff.
I got the coffee started and was waiting until my husband was in the shower to cook his eggs. This is our regular routine•
Our daughter (age 21, mother of 2 babies) came out in her nightie and headphones on• She began to wash their dirty dishes,but instead of filling a pot or dishpan she left the water running at high pressure. That is/was a problem For two reasons: 1st my husband needed some hot water for his shower, 2nd our state, California, is still facing drought Conditions. I repeatedly asked her to not run the water. She ignored me. fi Nally out of Frustation I turned the Faucet off while repeating that they didn’t need to be on while she was scrubbing the dishes. She just turned them back on. I went and asked my husband (a) to deal with the situation and (b) if there was away to turn off the water. Yes by that point I was feeling Very frustrated (when I’m frustrated my voice gets loud), as our daughter had been running the water for over 30 minutes on high pressure as an act of passive agression.
still feeling frustrated I turned to getting my husbands breakfast and coffee for work ready. There were traces of spices on the pan(cast iron), for myself they wouldn’t have been an issue, but for my husband they could be. Knowing I needed to rinse the pan I stated three times ” I need the sink so I can fix dad’s breakfast”. No response from daughter. I tried to get into the second side of the sink but there wasn’t enough room. So I stepped back and repeated very loudly that I needed the sink. AT which point, our son in law (age 25) came out and started yelling that I didn’t need the sink. IT wasn’t until I told him that I needed to rinse the pan that daughter even spoke, at which point I replied that there wasn’t enough room. Then and only then did she move so that I could use the sink. I quickly rinsed my pan and moved back to the stove. She then returned to the sink and started running the water again. I mentioned that dad, my husband, needed the water for the shower at which point she started yelling about the dishes being stacked on the side of the table that they use. I commented that the dishes were their dirty dishes. She was yelling something else when our Son (age 23) came out and kicked in the gate to the Kitchen. He started yelling in my face about his health problems calling me useless, I responded that he Should see a doctor, he then put his hands on my neck and squeezed saying he should snap my neck. Daughter then stepped between us getting him to let go. Son said again he was going to snap my neck, I responded that he would end up behind bars. He then said he was going to take back the cornpone nts he had used to Fix my pc the previous year. He shoved stuff around knocking my cup of coffee and some other stuff to the Floor as he pulled my pc tower From the desk. 

I grabbed my phone while he was doing so, he said go ahead and call as I was using a hacked (his doing) pc and his intellectual property. After he pulled the parts he snapped them before going out to the garage and bringing in the old non functioning parts.
I again returned to my husband asking him to come deal with the situation and informed him that we were now without internet to which he replied that he needed to get ready For work and that we would cancel our net subscription.
Upon returning to the kitchen area where the food for my husband was still cooking, I put 2 slices of bread into the toaster before disconnecting the modem (my pc had been the network hub for our internet). Son then took down the cord that ran to his room. He came back out a few seconds later with some dishes that he had used and threw them at the ground causing the bowls to break while saying “here are your precious dishes” as he left the Kitchen he stated “youre on borrowed time” (I *think* he also said he would kill me). During all this daughter was still at the Kitchen sink.

Unsure of what if anything son would do next I called pd non emergency and requested an officer to Come out and talk to OUR Son , and to see if they Could get him to go somewhere else like a friends for a few hours. Daughter heard me on the phone and started banging on doors and yelling at her dad, my husband, she also got dressed talked to her brother, our son, and gave him the Keys to her motorcycle. She then started yelling at me how I was going to ruin his life and I was a bitch and crazy and should be locked up and how I was a bully and had bullied her while she was doing dishes. I said Fine if I’m a bitch then I’m not watching her kids For her today and if I’m such a bitch she they could move out.
About which time hubby walked through to leave For work.
Daughter was going on about how the house was her dad’s and how I was useless. She then started pulling everything , including the clean dishes she had just washed off of counters on both sides of the kitchen. She then puffed her shoulders and started towards me, but her husband grabbed her from behind and pulled her to the hallway . 


I stepped out to ask husband to stay home hesaid he had to go to work as some one had to pay For everything. He opened the garage door to find that pd had arrived. He suggested that I step out to talk to them, I said I couldn’t because daughter was in the background saying she was going to lock me out.
We all briefly talked to pd. Pd stated that there wasn’t anything they could do and then they left.
I took my phone and tablet to my room, and have spent the bulk of the day there• 
Son in law took it on himself to clean up the mess in the kitchen after daughter said leave it let her clean it up.
 I’m not sure what changes if any the future will bring.

Dear Ms. Clinton,

I get it it, in the great scheme of politics you, and other politicians, probably do not consider my vote all that significant. After all I’m just an average person, living out a fairly average life. The catch is that us average folk make up a much larger part of your voting demographic than the special groups that can afford the huge fancy diner invites that the Democratic Party sends out during various years.

Ms. Clinton do you, or your campaign manager, not vet what your guest speakers are going to say on your behalf? Do you not discuss with them the potential harm they can do to your campaign?

Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright thundered, “There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other!”

No Madam Albright you have it wrong, and on more than one level.

  • First you are assuming that every woman eligible and registered to vote believes in the same theology & mythology of heaven and hell. That is a rather big assumption, and almost everyone has had the phrase ass-u-me drilled into them at one point or another.
  • Second a phrase like that is not a phrase that will unite people, that is a phrase that divides, that pushes people away from each other, because it is a phrase of judgement. In one fell swoop you have categorically passed judgement on all women, stating that to be a good human they, as a  woman, must help each other out or face damnation*.
    (*Again this assumes they believes in the Christian mythos of heaven and hell.)

 

My next issue with recent events in your campaign.

Feminist leader Gloria Steinem also stirred controversy when she suggested last week that younger women were supporting Sanders just so they could meet boys.

Ms. Steinem are you for real! I grew up in the 70’s, I grew up with Ms. magazines in the house. I grew attending peace rallies, protest marches, and feminist rallies with my parents. To me you were an idol.  Has the fight for equality turned you so bitter that the idea that younger women might prefer to support a particular candidate because the candidate in question represents their values and ethics become foreign to you?

I know we haven’t, yet, won the battle for equality that started long before the suffragists took up the march for the right to vote. I know we’ve a long road to haul yet to gain equality for All. Yet, I can see plain as day, that in one sentence you, yourself Ms. Steinem, have done more harm to the battle for equality and the feminist movement than any detractor could ever do. That leaves me with heartache, deep heartache.

Ms. Steinmen, I invite you to step away from the hallowed halls that make up the foundation of the fight for feminism, and step back into the kitchens & living rooms of all of us younger women – and not the ones actively participating in the fight for feminism, especially those still in dorms, and spend some time in their shoes as they fight their daily struggle to achieve their dreams.

Thanks to you and those others that paved the way, the world today is a lot different from the one of the 60’s & 70’s. I know the movement hasn’t stagnated, it’s grown and evolved, but is there a possibility that those of the first generation are not as in touch with those of the coming generation as they think they are? Just a question, not meant as an offense, merely meant for food for thought.

 

Ms. Clinton back to you and your campaign. Might I, a regular everyday person, suggest that you, Ms. Clinton, stop trying to play the gender card, you are way to much of a Washington Insider to use it at this stage of your life, and instead focus your campaign on The Issues. You know those things which impact us everyday, non-moneyed, hard working, back bone of this country, voters.

Those are the things we want to hear about, we – despite a certain persons, name starting with t, meteoric rise – don’t want fear mongering, we don’t want to be lied to, and we don’t want false promises. We, the average informed voter, want to know what you as our potential commander in chief bring to the table that no other running candidate brings.

I do know that you are not bringing a consistent track record, I do know that you don’t always get on well with congress – you know the group of people who actually make our countries laws and sets the budget, and I do know that the gop – which is a fairly scary group right now – possibly likes you less than our current President. I know that you flip-flop almost more than your husband did on issues. You have a tendency to say what you think fits the political climate, instead of sticking to issues and strong messages of change and growth. In someways you remind me of former President Reagan, but with less popularity, and that is scary. And none of that endears me to you as a voter.

Prelude and background:

How to say what I want, no need to say. Speaking up is not a problem, speaking with eloquence can sometimes be a challenge. This letter is primarily intended for the medical community it also applies to anyone who works with the general public, and one I’ve debated whether to write for several days now. I am probably not the first person to have an experience like the one I had, and the need to speak up in the hopes that one voice will make a difference in the future is strong.

I recently sought medical help, due to health problems that I had not experienced in over a year. During that year we had changed insurance companies and I have to start over with new doctors that I have never met before. It is not helping that almost all of the ‘in-network’ doctors listed on the insurance company website either no-longer practice at the offices listed or are not accepting new patients. That is an issue we will be addressing directly with them, since it their staff who will need to research and update all of the information. An irony with all of the bumps we’ve been experiencing, from clerical errors, to wrong information has made me miss the high priced HMO we used to have.

About me; I’m educated and love to research new information to stay informed, I don’t dress fancy but always wear clean and sensible clothes; aka jeans and a simple shirt/blouse. I dress for the weather which means if it’s on and off rain I’ll be wearing my rain poncho over my comfortable jacket along with a hat. I’ve never been a super fancy person; I prefer comfort over high fashion and don’t feel the need to try to emulate the ads in fashion magazines, so no make-up either (and given my husbands allergy to cosmetics this helps our relationship). I’m a bit on the heavy side, but through small changes that I’ve been able to maintain I also weigh over 60 pounds less than what I did at my heaviest. While not perfect about it, I do try to take good care of my health and lead a busy and active life, which means I don’t go to the doctors unless I really need to.

 

The Letter:

Dear OB/GYN Doctor,

Today was the first time we met; I was in a lot of pain and not feeling well. To compound matters my hormones were a bit off which makes me more susceptible to crying jags. To my knowledge this is all part of a) being a woman, b) perimenopause/menopause which I’ve already started and know I have to work/live with for up to 10 years give or take a year or so. I came to you hoping to find answers for my problem; answers that would include why and any solutions (not drugs) to help fix or minimize the problem.

Your staff, all lovely, caring and clearly very happy with you, gave me confidence that I was in a good place. When you entered the room, you were warm and welcoming. You faced me while we spoke; your vocal tones were welcoming even as you were matter of fact and straight to business.

Then we began to go over my medical history. We got to a question I knew would come up; I’ve had to deal with it in the past and have trained myself to be matter of fact in my response. To be less than honest would have been disservice to both of us, this is not to say that I don’t have strong feelings regarding those choices.

The question was the standard question on pregnancies; how many, how many live births, and what became of the other pregnancies.

I was honest but not emotional about it. Now I wonder if it would have helped you had I been an emotional wreck when I answered, or just outright lied. That is neither here nor there and would not have helped the appointment or the reason why I was there to see you.

I was there because I was in pain, to be more precise I was experiencing extreme ongoing pain in my lower back and had been for 5 days, and since the pain was one that I have only ever encountered with my menstrual cycle I felt that seeing a doctor who specialized in women’s health was the best choice. After my response to the above questions your whole demeanor changed. Your vocal tones became brusque and harsh; you turned your whole body away from me and no longer looked me in the face as we spoke. In retrospect I should have ended the appointment right then and there, but I needed answers and still do as to why my body goes through the back pain it goes through each month, so we proceeded with a standard pelvic exam.

As you inserted and expanded the speculum there was no “you might feel a slight discomfort” warning. When you pushed the first time on my uterus, I winced and made some sound to indicate that it hurt. My past experience is the doctor will say something to the effect of “Sorry, for the discomfort but it’s necessary to check” and maybe not push as hard on the next spot, you didn’t do that instead you pushed even harder on the next spot. I could feel my face tightening and clenched my lips tight to keep from crying, from the pressure you applied. Afterwards my uterus spasmed and cramped for almost 45 minutes adding to the discomfort I was already in. That was not something I had ever experienced after a pelvic exam before, which was topped off by sharp stabbing vaginal pains intermittently over the remainder of the day. Perhaps it was coincidence and perhaps not, either way both were not sensations I was used to experiencing.

As we finished the appointment, you very callously suggested that I “should get my uterus removed since I wasn’t using it anymore”; that I shouldn’t expect the progesterone medicine I was on to be a magic pill and that it was fine, you brushed aside my statement that I had indeed had regular cycles while on the medication that such a thing wasn’t feasible, you also said that the problems with my back “could not be related to my cycle and I should follow up with a regular doctor”.

I thank you for your time and respect the training you have had to become a doctor.

Having to have one’s uterus removed is not a casual choice and should never be spoken of in the off hand and offensive manner that you did. It is true that my husband and I do not plan on having anymore children, but my uterus is still a part of my body and one does not casually remove body parts in the same fashion one gets a hair cut or ears pierced. Surgery’s are never with out risk and don’t always solve the underlying problem.

I know quite a bit about my medication thank you. I know it is not a magic pill; I’ve also done my homework on it back when I first started the treatment so I knew what to expect. I am concerned because my experience this month is outside of what is known to be expected; what I had experience over the last 13 months, of which I have kept very precise records of which you brushed aside, that I’ve been on the medication; and according to the mayo clinic an indicator of possible problems that warrant immediate medical attention.

I am still uncertain how something which I have only ever experienced in conjuncture with my cycle could not be a part of it that does not mean I will discount your statement that I could possibly have some other unknown back condition. I will be following up with a primary doctor, in the hopes of finding both answers and a solution, hopefully one that does not involve surgery. In the end if surgery is the only option then that is what will have to happen, but only after exhausting all other options.

I hope you will not be offended that I will not be returning to you. Since after this one encounter I’m not sure that we can have a healthy patient doctor relationship, and I strongly prefer my relationships to be healthy ones.

Sincerely,

M-D

Beautiful but Scary

image

image

I’m not sure what kind of tree this is. I find it beautiful that it has buds getting ready to bloom, yet it is also sad and scary. It is currently mid February, this tree (to my knowledge) should be dormant right now. Should the weather return to the cold of winter these buds will freeze and die.

Posted from WordPress for Android ~ by Melinda

Thorn’s

from the front yard

Thorn’s

How like a rose bush

is each person

They are prickly, hard

if approached wrong they will hurt you with barb’s

When shown love and tender care

When pruned just right while allowing wild growth

the buds appear

When given sun and water

When not pruned to soon

each bud will blossom

Each blossom is unique, fragrant, beautiful

in time each blossom fades and wilts

With tender care wilted blooms are pruned

fall and winter mark times of rest

spring brings renewal and fresh growth

care, love, sun, water …. new buds, new blooms

……… again the cycle repeats

until that most harsh and final winter comes

~ © Melinda D. Garren April 17th, 2012

Well at least how I am channeling my inner housekeeper. Lets face it when the universe was handing out the instincts for keeping a house clean at all times, I must have been out hiking. Housekeeping is my achilles heal when it comes to domestic life. Thankfully due to the modern invention of the internet there is help for someone like me. Some of my favorite mentoring/tutoring sites for when/how to keep house are; FlyLady, zen habits, Clean House| Organized Home, and Sidetracked Home Executives – S.H.E.. Are there more sites out there, with out a doubt yes, but these 4 are my corner stones where I turn every time I feel like I’m getting stuck. Do they work for everyone, no. There are possibly twice as many housekeeping books as there are websites, so websites are not the only resource for the cleaning challenged.

The trick I figured out early on, is play with the advice they are offering on the sites, or in books, see what works for you and what doesn’t. I found that trying something consistently for at least a week (if it’s tried every day) to a month (if it’s not being tried every day) the way the author describes helps me figure out what does and does not work for me, and where I can tweak something, and where I can honestly say ‘nope this step/style is not for me’.

My newest self discovery in the how to keep me motivated category, came in the form of a mini ah-ha moment. I’ve been almost wishing that the Doll House, or that Matrix style brain uploads were real so I could program my brain permanently for keeping a nice house, either that or hit the lotto (and I don’t play so you figure the odds on that one {grin}) and hire a housekeeper. My mind keeps turning to old sitcoms, Leave it to Beaver, Brady Bunch, Bewitched, and I dream of Jeannie. Of course they had a real advantage that no mortal house wife could ever have, there homes were Hollywood studio sets, if mine was ever a set it’s a cross between Roseanne’s and a Mad Max set. Well ok not as bad as Mad Max, sometimes though it feels like it. Back to my ah-ha, and it’s something that FlyLady has touched on, what to wear when cleaning, pearls and heels are out for me, nor am I going to wear a uniform like a janitorial service. I did figure mine out at least partially, a head band, a pair of hot pink shoes, a touch of gloss (the only time I wear any), the apron my Grandma made me, and a necklace.

Today was my first day playing with the “uniform” concept, the difference mentally was nice, swapped shoes and put on the accessories and things just clicked into place. Sometimes I can use music to help motivate and other times it’s just not enough.

From here down it’s more of a vent/rant, and not strongly related to the first part of the post.

Continue reading

A short intro

This is an alt blog for me. I started one recently and find that I’m liking blogging. However, yes English professors I hear you “never start a sentence with however/or/and/but”, for some of what I find I’m wanting to write about ……. well it just doesn’t fit over on the other blog, so here I am ….. again.

In future posts if you come across a section that appears to be blank with “tmits” in front, it won’t be blank, however since sometimes what I want to share might not be appreciated by some I’ll be posting in a color that lets the letters blend into the background. tmits = to much information to some.